LRC, the Wheel and the BHAA : Irelands First 1 Billion Mu Race?
The Labour Relations Commission has issued its finding on the matter of the Business Houses Athletic Association (here after known as ‘the BHAA’) and the Business Houses Athletic Association Measuring Wheel (here after know as ‘the Wheel’) in the matter of recent issues.
The initial dispute of the Wheel going missing cannot be adjudicated by the Commission since the BHAA were 50% involved in losing the wheel, whilst the Wheel didn’t make itself available to be found in a manner such, that it would be found.
The Wheel presented solemn testimony of its life as measuring wheel enjoying the exercise of being pushed across roads and cross country courses around the country, with the joy of knowing that a mile is really 1609.34 metres. It objected to its lack of use in recent years by Race Organisers and the objected to the cases when cars, garmin watches and the excuse that “it’s only cross country! nobody gives a bol*&%x what the distance is” were used to replace its services. The BHAA Committee agree and believe the wheel should be used to measure all events.
The Wheel mentioned that it preferred its accommodation in the yellow van and objected to the arrival of new red van on the scene. The BHAA suggested that the Wheel could follow the yellow van to Cork, to which the Wheel replied that the Cork BHAA measure their courses by 12 inch ruler. The Dublin BHAA committee and the wheel agreed that they are very happy with the wheel, staying in the red van, in Dublin.
The Wheel issued a number of demands prior to its return to work for the BHAA
- to be used to measure all courses
- to have a designated can of WD40 to be sorted in a safe place to keep its axle running smoothly
The Wheel recounted stories of witnessing the previous can of WD40 being used for this actions
- pre race drink
- pre race muscle lubricant
- asthma inhaler
- cigarette lighter
- post race drink
- (and scariest of all): lubricant for removing too tight running shorts post race
The BHAA denied all charges of lubricant use but accepted the charge for the other items. The BHAA are committed to catching the said BHAA runners to part take in the actions listed above. It has been agreed to provide the Wheel of WD40 for its own use.
During its time on the run the Wheel travelled to many locations and is thought to have followed Tony Mangan on part of his round the world trip. The wheel studied physics and became interested in star gazing, dreaming of measuring the distances to far off stars. The Wheel has requested that all BHAA races are now measured in mircometre’s from now on. This unit of measurement better reflects the Irish nations budget debt and the Wheel believes Irish people don’t respect the start ten thousand meter distance any more and suggests that the K-Club 10km race should be renamed to the K-Club 1 Billion (10,000,000,000 mu) race. The BHAA said it would need time to investigate the cost of adding 8 zeros to its printed material.
The BHAA and the wheel look forward to future of accurate race distances. The LRC are happy to see the back of both of them.
Report by: Anto Wheelan